


A Letter

by mxsinister



Category: I don’t know how but they found me - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Dallon Weekes - Freeform, Emotional, Happy Ending, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, I Dont Know How But They Found Me, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Ryan Seaman - Freeform, Self Harm, idkhow, the brobecks - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:48:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26981677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mxsinister/pseuds/mxsinister
Summary: This isn’t the end, is it?
Relationships: Breezy Weekes/Dallon Weekes, Ryan Seaman/Dallon Weekes
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	1. The Letter

**Author's Note:**

> General TW for suicide, depression, self hatred, self harm. It has a happy ending though, I promise :)

Dear Dallon,

I’m sorry. I really didn’t want it to end like this. I held on as long as I could. Ten years. Short when put into perspective, but it felt like forever. I still remember the day we met. Not to reference your own song, but to me it was genuinely love at first sight. You never caught on. And I think that’s what hurt me the most. My feelings just didn’t seem to matter to you, because you had _her_. Everything seemed so perfect for you. You were so caught up with- hell, I can’t even bring myself to say her name. The way she treated me... you never noticed. She knew. She knew how I felt, and she made me feel terrible about it.

I guess I owe you an explanation. Let’s just start from the beginning, shall we?

July 12th, 2008. The day we met. The day I fell in love with you. God, I knew from the moment I laid my eyes on you. You were everything I’d ever wanted. Tall, handsome, talented... I could go on, but I don’t need to flatter you that much. Because like you always used to say, I “already have the job.”

The job. You gave me an opportunity to finally, seriously pursue my dream of music. You took a chance on me when no one else would. I’ll forever be grateful for that. I’m sorry to leave the band hanging. I’m sure you’ll be able to find a new drummer, one way better than me.

The fans. I don’t want them to grieve over me. I want you to make sure they knew how much I cared about them. If it wasn’t for them, I would’ve never gotten to live out my dream.

You know as they say, “all good things must come to an end.” There was a point where I decided the goods didn’t outweigh the bads anymore. Living everyday in sorrow is not a way to live. Not a way for me to live, at least.

It was always hard being known as the “happy” one of the band. “Ryan, how are you always so positive all the time?” God, if only they knew. I think hiding my struggles caused the build up. I had nothing to do with my thoughts, no one to share them with. I was always scared of letting people down. I was so fucking scared, Dal.

You were the light on my darkest days. I don’t think you ever realized how much you meant to me. You were my world. But I wasn’t yours. And I can’t even begin to tell you how much that hurt me. Being so madly in love with someone I couldn’t have. I tried to get over it. I couldn’t. A decade later and I still couldn’t. I don’t see the point of trying anymore. I don’t see the point of waking up everyday, not being able to go a day without crying, and having to put on this fake persona to pretend that everything’s okay. Having to see you so oblivious to my feelings. Did you actually not know? Or did they just not matter to you? I don’t know which one hurts more.

The point of this isn’t to make you guilty. I owed you an explanation. So here it is. Probably not the one you were looking for. Surprise, your best friend is gay and madly in love with you!!!

I’m sorry. I really am. Promise me everything will be okay without me. Promise me you’ll take care of the band. You’ll be fine without me. I know you will.

I wish you all the happiness in the world,

Ryan


	2. Resolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’ll never leave you again, I’ll never hurt you again.”
> 
> ”Promise?”
> 
> ”I promise.”

An envelope addressed to himself was the last thing Dallon was expecting to find as he rummaged through his bandmate’s suitcase, in search of the sweater he had stolen a few days ago.

And as always, Dallon let his curiosity get the best of him.

* * *

Ryan wasn’t here. He had left almost as soon as they had arrived at the hotel, leaving without telling anyone his whereabouts.

Dallon let out an audible sigh of relief as the door to their hotel room was opened, seeing his blue-haired friend enter. Suddenly all of his emotions overtook him. _He could’ve lost Ryan tonight._

Dallon rushed to meet Ryan, tightly pulling the smaller man against himself.

“Please don’t,” Dallon managed in a choked sob, his grip like a death-hold on Ryan’s t-shirt.

The realization hit Ryan like a wave, his brain quickly making the connection. His arms wrapped tightly around the torso of the slightly taller brunette, burying his face into his neck as he began to cry as well.

“Please, you can’t leave. I need you here.” Dallon slowly walked them to the couch, never loosening his grip on Ryan.

“I’m sorry,” Ryan breathed, tasting the saltiness of his tears on his lips.

They stayed like this for awhile, the two men letting each other expel their emotions, not caring about the tear stains left on each other’s shirts.

It was Ryan who pulled away first. He stared down at his palms, letting his breaths even out. “Please don’t be mad,” he said weakly when he had finally collected himself enough to speak.

“Ryan, sweetheart,” Dallon started, feeling his heart break all over again. “I would never be mad at you over something like this.”

“You don’t hate me?”

“Ryan, listen,” Dallon reached down to grab Ryan’s hand, noticing fresh red marks on his arm. Dallon looked up, and for the first time, he saw the tired, mentally exhausted Ryan that he had read about in the letter.

“I’m so sorry, I wish I could’ve known sooner, I-”

”I’m not good enough for you,” Ryan’s hands trembled as he pulled down the sleeves of his hoodie.

”That’s not true. You’re perfect, Ry.”

”Then why don’t you ever show it? It’s like you completely forgot about me once you married her. I had hope for us, I thought we were a _thing_! I’m fucking in love with you, Dallon,” Ryan broke down into tears again, leaning into Dallon’s chest.

“Listen to me please, Ry,” Dallon pleaded, rubbing comforting circles into Ryan’s back. “I love you too.”

”I mean _love_ love, not just friend love.”

“So do I.”

”No you don’t. If that was the case I would’ve been the one you married,” Ryan said, more aggressively than he had intended.

Dallon frowned, removing his hand from Ryan’s back. “I’m being honest, Ry.”

Ryan sat up, wiping his tears with the back of his hand. ”Prove it. Prove that you love me.”

With that Dallon gently grasped the side of Ryan’s face, pulling him in until their lips collided. 

It was perfect. It was everything Ryan had ever hoped for, and more. He almost immediately kissed back, leaning into Dallon’s touch.

It was soft, yet passionate. A kind of kiss you would only give to someone you truly adored.

It felt like a lifetime had passed when Dallon slowly pulled away, leaving Ryan aching for more.

”I’m sorry I didn’t show you sooner,” Dallon said, gently stroking his fingers through Ryan’s hair. “I’m in a difficult situation.”

Ryan sighed, breaking the eye contact. This was it. Dallon was going to tell him the bad news.

”I think I finally made up my mind. You’re the one I love.”

For the first time in a while, a smile—a genuine smile—spread across Ryan’s face. “Really?” he asked hopefully, looking back up to Dallon’s gaze.

Dallon nodded, leaning to kiss Ryan’s forehead. “I’ll never leave you again, I’ll never hurt you again.”

”Promise?”

”I promise.”

This couldn’t be real. Ryan felt like he was dreaming.

Maybe life was worth living after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you made it this far, thanks for reading! This mini-fic is shorter than what I usually write, simply because I just wanted to get something up on my AO3. I also wrote this within the hour so apologies if it’s not the best. That being said, if anyone has any writing requests, I’ll gladly take them! Comments are appreciated:)


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